Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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