My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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