Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
