Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
