Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
