i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
