I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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