there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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