even my farts smell like vagina
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My feet surprised me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
