I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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