Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
