So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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