You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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