:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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