how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
