Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
