I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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