If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
