Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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