i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
