Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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