the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My hand turned me down
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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