I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
