I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
