You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
