So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
