vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
