Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize