Pappa wants mamma naked
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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