Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
