dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
