the new term for farting is butt boxing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
