he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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