My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize