and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
