Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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