Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
