uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
