New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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