is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
