I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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