STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
