I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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