haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
