I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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