You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
