Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
