I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
