he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
