I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
