Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Two words: blizzard sex
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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