Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
