Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
