Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
