I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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