i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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