is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
