and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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