Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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