god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
