how can u be prego again
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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