well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
