I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
