Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
