The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
