Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
