is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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