but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
